


Stooge

by cyren2132



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Capture, Escape, Gen, Hallucinations, open-ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyren2132/pseuds/cyren2132
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trapped alone in a Genii bunker, Rodney turns to thoughts of his team -- and The Three Stooges -- to make his escape</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stooge

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the round 5 of the Stargate Last Author Standing challenge in 2010. The prompt was "Alone." Also, this is probably the closest to writing comedy I will ever get.

Rodney paced his cell in the Genii bunker. He was alone. He'd been alone before of course -- alone in his labs, alone in his quarters, alone most of the time he wasn't with his team -- and that was generally the way he preferred it. The solitude and the work were relaxing. Rejuvenating, even.

This was different. He'd only felt this brand of soul-consuming loneliness once before, trapped under the sea in a damaged jumper. Cold and hurt, he almost lost hope that day. But then she appeared: Samantha Carter, undoubtedly the smartest person he'd ever met, next to himself. But she hadn't been real -- just a figment of his concussed imagination.

But now he wasn't concussed, and he wasn't underwater, and no one -- real or imagined -- was coming.

"Aw, you shouldn't give up on us like that, McKay," Sheppard said. Rodney spun on the spot and laid eyes on Col. John Sheppard, leaning nonchalantly against the cell door. "Hey, buddy," he said with a small wave.

"You're not here," Rodney said.

Sheppard looked at him with mock indignation. "Now that's not a very a nice thing to say."

"No, I mean there's no reason for you to be here, which can only mean--" Rodney stopped and rubbed at his eyes. A small laugh escaped his lips. "Which can only mean that I'm losing my mind."

"Wouldn't be the first time, would it?" Ronon said, his gruff voice cutting into the air like sandpaper.

"You're here, too?!"

"We are all here for you, Rodney," Teyla answered.

"Well that's just great!" Rodney said. "You know, it'd be better if you were out there, rescuing me!"

"We're trying, buddy!" Sheppard said, "But you're in an underground Genii bunker half a day away from where we were camped--"

"Oh, please, it's an outpost run by Larry, Curly and Moe,"

"So why don't you escape?" Ronon said. "Curly'll be back in 10 for your lunch tray," Ronon said.

"And I should do what?" Rodney said hotly as he crossed the room to his tray of what looked cold oatmeal and tasted like old socks, "Shank him with this spoon? Do I look like Action Man, to you?" Rodney sank onto the cell's bench and leaned his head against the wall. "And how do you even know about the Three Stooges, anyway?"

"Because you do, McKay," Sheppard said. "And you're tired, and the air's thin here. So, here we are."

"Great." Rodney rubbed at his temples while Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon discussed the finer points of slapstick and argued over Shemp versus Curly versus Curly Joe, and he almost wished he were alone again.

"Oh, would you cut it out!" he finally yelled. "I need to find a way out of here and the only tools I have are a spoon, a tray that, face it, may as well be made of paper, and this bench, which in case you hadn't noticed is bolted to the ground!!" Rodney stood and tugged at the seat to prove his point and was surprised to see it rise several inches with a creak. He pulled harder and the plank of wood tore from the bench's legs.

"Well look at that!" Sheppard said as Ronon not-quite-grinned approvingly. "You found something!" Rodney was about to reply when he heard keys scraping against the lock to the cell block. His cell wasn't exactly the first one, but he still didn't have much time.

"Stand over here," Ronon said. "The guard won't be able to see you. He'll have to come in."

"Your equipment is through the cell block door and at the end of the hall on the left. You passed it on the way in." Teyla said quickly. "You can do it, Rodney."

"I'm still not exactly combat-ready," Rodney whispered as the cell block door clanged shut.

"Relax," Sheppard said. "He's a stooge at an outpost, remember? Just hit in the head and poke him in the eye, nyuk, nyuck nyuck,"

"Okay, as long as you never do THAT again" Rodney said as the guard drew closer.

"You don't like my imitations?" Sheppard said. "Why, I oughta.." he reached a hand out and playfully mussed Rodney's hair. Rodney pushed him away and spared a glance over his shoulder.

Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon were gone. He was alone again.

"Hey, you!" The guard's voice rang out through the cell door. "Where are you?!" Rodney stayed silent and gripped his board tightly. "I'm coming in!"

A key groaned in the lock, and maybe it was the tiredness or the thin air or the memories of a childhood long gone, but Rodney couldn't help but smile, just a little.


End file.
